en route; 
one more day till take off,
and i haven't packed. sure i've thrown in my camera &film, and my cupboard doors are presently open, but nothing's coming out ¬hing's going into that suitcase of mine.
on a lighter note, my toenails now match my luggage bag (aka lavender coloured), thanks to the awesome pedicure treat from my mom. DONT JUDGE ME.
so anyway, i spent the last few days thinking about a lot of things. thinking about how i wish i studied harder or i accomplished more things in life or anything, really. perhaps kenchin is right. this directionless path that i'm on now seems to be putting me in this identity crisis, where i start feeling useless &retarded &what not. but hey. i may have made some mistakes along the way, but that's not going to put me down. i'm going to move forward, even if it means going backwards first.
this trip's going to mean something different for me,
and i'm half-heartedly going as i really don't know what's going to be in store for me when i get back. and the scariest part? i won't have any control over it.
wish i could turn back time; i'm so confused right now.
i've heard two things from you which completely cancel out each other. so what do i do next?
new nails to chase the unhappiness away &to join me on my journey overseas.
countdown: 4 more days.
i really miss you. it's hard to be happy when bad things come all at once.
identity crisis (somewhat a 'HAHA' but somewhat frustrating at the same time), personal problems, &now death. the last two all in a span of one week.
great. just great.
countdown to europe/us/canada, my little getaway/hideaway in these periods of unease &unhappiness: 7days. i took my love &i took it down
climbed a mountain then i turned around
and i saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
well the landslide brought me down
so life's been pretty messed up lately.
everything's topsy turvy &the only thing i've been trying to do is trust. trust &have faith that everything will be okay once again, or that i would be able to get through this.
sigh.
i want to crawl into a hole &never come out. what have i done? i wish i could run
away from this ship going under
just trying to help, hurt everyone else
now I feel the weight of the world is
on my shoulders
what can you do when your good isn't good enough?
when all that you touch tumbles down?
cos my best intentions keep making a mess of things
i just wanna fix it somehow
but how many times will it take?
how many times will it take for me?
to get it right
can i start again with my faith shaken?
cos i can't go back and undo this
i just have to stay and face my mistakes
but if i get stronger and wiser
i'll get through this 
