en route; 
so it's monday,
and i'm stuck home with stomach flu. or rather. a self-diagnosed stomach flu.
on a sadder note (yes, there's actually something sadder than a stomach flu),
i've never felt more lost in my life,
but hey. i'm gonna pick myself up & move ahead in life.
step one: find myself a few goals in life.
step two: embark on fulfilling those goals.
and in a more strategic notion,
i shall follow didi's basic rules of Saboteur: trust no one.
peace out. everytime i take one step forward,
i feel like i'm pushed two steps back.
and all it took was one minute.
i've come to a point where i feel like being reckless. i feel like if i steer myself towards a path of self-destruction, i might actually feel a whole lot better. but i can't. it's tempting, but i can't.
i need to leave this country. 
happy chinese new year! (:
this year feels different. and i guess it's mostly cos things have changed up quite a bit.
enough reminiscing.
i need to look towards the future.
what doesn't kill you makes you stronger
stand a little taller
doesn't mean I'm lonely when i'm alone so i had an awesome weekend packed with activities.
spent friday night with sab &bright at haji lane, followed by brunch with marcusseng &sab (lovingly cooked by sab!), a rushed (sorry! i feel horrible that it was so rushed) lunch with tianning, then it was off to roast in the hot sun for didi's commissioning parade on saturday (: sunday was then spent at church, baking, running, swimming, then michlim's early birthday celebrations at peperoni's!
very proud of this cousin of mine (:
-------
today,
i realized i've got to learn to trust people.
"Everyone’s got some baggage; it’s part of life. But like anything else, it’s easier when someone gives you a hand with it."
- HIMYM
HAH.
easier said than done. i will leave if i have to. 
pineapple tarts!
taught to me by my aunt (aka my pineapple tart shifu hohoho)
it's an awesome feeling to be sit down &have heart to heart talks with an aunt who's been there to watch you grow all this while, followed by rolling pastries with a cousin who you grew up with. it's moments like these which made me realize how much God has blessed me with (:
breakfast with dad at 6.30am tomorrow! (HAHA YES OMG i'm actually waking up to have breakfast with dad before his 8am meeting. this is what happens when your dad is always so busy at work) so bubbles came over today, &it set me thinking a lot.
back in secondary school, there were TONS of drama. and politics. and with her telling me so many things, i suddenly realized i should be pretty happy that things turned out the way it should be. life (and relationships) shouldn't be this complicated. this was precisely why i did what i did a few years ago. and perhaps this time it should be the same. and so i'm ready. ready to make my life less complicated &less tiring.
next up on the to-do list:
- pineapple tarts
- other baking goods (SECRET! MUAHAHAHA)
on a lighter note, i really need suggestions: kindle fire vs nintendo ds (HAHA completely different, i know. but i'm still thinking, and i get to make a choice, thanks to the awesome tianning who bought me an amazon giftcard (: yay THANKS NINGNINGGG) 
cycling @east coast! (:
what more can a girl ask for?
"tonight
we are young
so let's set the world on fire
we can burn brighter
than the sun"
---- it's silly how i can be so happy yet so upset at the same time.
but yes, you're right. i don't owe you anything, and likewise, you don't owe me anything. you're as free as a bird, and honestly, who am i to get upset?
i'm done. i spent the day yesterday with jo, buying baking supplies &reminiscing over the things that happened years and years ago. it's always a wonderful feeling to know that you have a long-lasting, beloved friendship with someone out there, and i'd never forget her generosity with furry stickers, or when she decided to feed the hungry me with penguin cookies &chocolate balls. i'd also never forget the quirky motto we created one day after school on the way to my house: "pick a leaf, make a friend." HAHA. I LOVE YOU BABEE you're the best (:
i need to bake soon.
then i'd be yet again one step closer to my personal goal.
it's upsetting when you can't decide if you need to be there because it's your comfort zone or you need to be there because you really want to be there. today i spent the day with sab &bubs at starbucks, doing things like contemplating on life &working towards my personal goal yet again. it's amazing how every time i feel so alone, i have wonderful friends backing me up &telling me how much i can achieve. the amount of confidence they have in me far exceeds any amount of confidence i have in myself, and perhaps that is my problem. i lack the ability to have confidence in myself. sab's right. no matter what happens, there'd always be someone who's better. but that doesn't mean i'm no good. life is a learning process, &i can always strive to achieve much more (:
i.
will.
survive. deleting some things can be heartbreaking. 
