en route; 
"Underneath the outer layer we’re these coarse tangles of fears and mental blocks and sense memories and the older we get the more they just build and build. Sometimes we want nothing more than to be able to “let go” and leave the past in the past where it belongs, but these things imprint, in a way. They brand us. We can’t get rid of them and we wouldn’t be ourselves without them.
We promise ourselves we’re going to stop letting ourselves get hurt. We wrap ourselves in impenetrable cocoons, or we try to. But it doesn’t really work that way — as much as we want to become immune, become untouchable, we can’t be: the world still wants to play and we can’t really say no. We’re just as fragile and breakable as we’ve always been; we just have more layers on this time around."
- Mila Jaroniec, What Doesn't Kill Us Makes Us Something
so it's graduation season now,
and it really feels like my graduation was just a few months ago. perhaps it's the whole idea of putting something behind and starting something new which always seems to make people cast aside their grudges, or perhaps it's merely to make things less awkward, but while everyone threw everything aside, i found it hard to do so myself. perhaps it's the whole snowballing effect of how it essentially affected me, or perhaps i'm just using it as a perfect underlying cause of one of the hardest years of my life. whatever it is, i'd just have to find a way to let go, because it's really tiring to be even a teeeeeeny bit unhappy.
on a small, happy note,
thank God for impromptu meetings with wonderful friends <3
we're all (finally) in the same country! (even though only for awhile) :P 
